I am doing a semi-devotional study with my friend Hannah on Friday mornings. We are using the Book Mom...and Loving It! and we meet once a week to discuss what we read. I call it a semi-devotional because, while it is a Christian book, it doesn't actually study any specific parts of scripture. I does include prayers and gives scriptural counsel and we are enjoying it very much.
Our current chapter is on guilt, as are the next three. Guilt is something that moms deal with a lot. The responsibility to raise these human beings into responsible, respectful, confident, contributing adults is HUGE! And every time we make a mistake, which is quite often for some of us, we place another brick of guilt on our shoulders. The burden becomes almost too much for us to bear at times and we have the "mother" of all breakdowns. Our girlfriends reassure us that they too made the same mistakes and their kids turned out OK. Our husbands hug us and tell us everything will be fine, it's not that bad, and that we are in this together. Our God encourages us by saying that he uses all things (the good and the bad) to His glory. We shake it off, dry up the river of tears and start fresh again the next day- determined not to make the same mistake twice, even though there is a very good chance that we will.
Many of my readers are mom friends, and so to you I write this list of my worst guilt builders. These are the things that I feel most guilty about on a regular basis.
1. I don't feed my kids enough vegetables (seriously!)
2. I don't spend enough time just playing with them
3. I don't spend enough one on one time with any of them (Steve included)
4. Sometimes, while I love my child, I don't like her very much
5. By 7:30 p.m. I'm too tired to read bedtime stories and often skip that part of our routine.
6. I have yet to take any of my kids to the dentist (go ahead and gasp. i know you want to)
7. I have spanked out of anger
8. I yell too much
9. I send my kid to school without brushing her hair (but not everyday)
10. My house is too messy (everyday)
11. I don't contribute enough to our finances
12. My kids watch too much TV
This is not a list of my sinful confessions. These are things that I really feel guilty about. I lie awake at night and think about each one of these things and so many more that I can't take the time to list. These are the things I worry about, and I wonder how on earth my little girls will be alright after having to suffer such an inexperienced mother. Luckily, it is not about how they will survive on this earth. It is about their eternal lives with the Lord. And as much as I would like to take credit for getting them into heaven, only Jesus can control that. He is their only hope, and what an amazing hope He is! Despite me, despite themselves, they have a way to forgiveness and a way to perfection.
I encourage you to let go of your guilt, or at least a couple of bricks today, a couple more tomorrow, and to thank the Lord that He works ALL things to His glory.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Since I can't seem to find time for the creative part of this blog, I will instead use the next 5 minutes (which may or may not be interrupted by "MOMMY!!!") to simply update you all.
First, everyone is healthy. Thank you Jesus!
Second, we got the girls' pictures taken for spring, and will try to get the copies in the mail before Halloween. Aunt Judy and Uncle Willard are coming out to visit in May, and there is a better than 90% chance that all Michigan bound pictures will return with them - although I haven't told them that yet.
Third, I think it is safe to say that Sarah Jane (MOMMY!!!!) will be attending Alyce Norman Elementary School (where she is this year) again next year. If you are aware of the struggles we have had with this issue you will be surprised to hear me say this with such almost certainty. For the rest, I'd love to fill you in on the drama, but that will have to wait for my next 5 minute break. (Which, frankly, could be next year.)
Fourth, no decision has been made as to Sadie Lynn's pre-school attendance other than she will go. Our choices are (MOMMY!!!!) between two schools, everyday or two days a week, morning or afternoon, and which teacher we want. It's a matter of whether we want to favor the educator or the schedule. I'll keep you posted.
Fifth, Sydney Joy has gotten her first tooth! And #2 is on the way through. We are very excited to see the precious gem in her mouth, but are not so pleased with all of the discomfort it has caused our little baby. One down- twenty to go. As for the other side of this saga, Sarah Jane has yet to loose any teeth. Most of her friends have gaping holes (WHAAA!!!)in their mouths by this point, and she is very anxious to get a visit from the Tooth Fairy. (There's a funny story to go with this, but again, for another time)
I have to end now, but with many promises of further info. Love to you all. Thanks for reading.
First, everyone is healthy. Thank you Jesus!
Second, we got the girls' pictures taken for spring, and will try to get the copies in the mail before Halloween. Aunt Judy and Uncle Willard are coming out to visit in May, and there is a better than 90% chance that all Michigan bound pictures will return with them - although I haven't told them that yet.
Third, I think it is safe to say that Sarah Jane (MOMMY!!!!) will be attending Alyce Norman Elementary School (where she is this year) again next year. If you are aware of the struggles we have had with this issue you will be surprised to hear me say this with such almost certainty. For the rest, I'd love to fill you in on the drama, but that will have to wait for my next 5 minute break. (Which, frankly, could be next year.)
Fourth, no decision has been made as to Sadie Lynn's pre-school attendance other than she will go. Our choices are (MOMMY!!!!) between two schools, everyday or two days a week, morning or afternoon, and which teacher we want. It's a matter of whether we want to favor the educator or the schedule. I'll keep you posted.
Fifth, Sydney Joy has gotten her first tooth! And #2 is on the way through. We are very excited to see the precious gem in her mouth, but are not so pleased with all of the discomfort it has caused our little baby. One down- twenty to go. As for the other side of this saga, Sarah Jane has yet to loose any teeth. Most of her friends have gaping holes (WHAAA!!!)in their mouths by this point, and she is very anxious to get a visit from the Tooth Fairy. (There's a funny story to go with this, but again, for another time)
I have to end now, but with many promises of further info. Love to you all. Thanks for reading.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Be Fruitful and Multiply
"Why did you have three kids? Aren't you loosing your mind with all of them at home?"
"Don't you want to keep trying for a boy?"
"How could you have your "tubes tied" so young? What if you want more kids later on?"
All good questions, and all asked of me within the last few weeks by different friends of mine. Spring is in the air, must be time to start talking about procreating again...
Realizing that others may have similar or the same questions, I will share the process through which Steve and I have come to our family planning decisions.
Step one, we got married, then had kids. Sounds obvious to some, sounds silly to others, but it was a deliberate decision we made to wait for marriage before "making babies", if you know what I mean.
We knew we wanted kids, at least two. I wanted our first to be a boy. The older, protective brother. But then a girl would be nice. One of each, that was our plan.
Our first child came a little bit sooner than we had planned. Oh, who am I kidding. She came A LOT sooner than we had planned. Yes, SHE. Now would be a good time to throw the "plan" out of the window. But as believers in God's perfect will, and after a few frantic, tear filled phone calls to reassuring family and friends, we decided that this was nothing less than a blessing from the Lord.
After Sarah Jane arrived I scrapped the plan of having two kids and vowed never to share my love with another child ever again. Surely, any sibling would be short changed, as I couldn't imagine loving someone else as much as I loved her. And thank the Lord I didn't have a boy. This little girl was so perfect, obviously better than any boy could ever be. This stuck with me for about two years. During this time, my brother David was in High School and our relationship was greatly improving from what it had been when we lived under the same roof. We talked regularly, laughed a lot and shared more of our lives than we did when we saw each other everyday. I realized how much better my life was because of him, and decided that Sarah Jane, deserving of all that was good, should have that opportunity too. So it was decided. She would have a sibling. But what if I really didn't love the next baby like I loved Sarah Jane? And what if I had a boy!?
On a trip home to Michigan, I shared my thoughts with my dad. Shockingly, he said that he felt the same way when I was born, and had the same reservations when he learned of David's conception. He said that it didn't take long for him to know that every anxiety, every worry, was for naught. As he held his precious baby boy, he realized that he had the capacity to love more than one person unconditionally, and he assured me that I would find the same miracle in my heart when the time came. I took his advice and Steve and I planned for the next child. Although some anxiety over the love issue lingered through the pregnancy, I held on to my dad's words of encouragement. The day of the ultrasound came, and as I laid on the exam table watching the human being inside of me move on the TV monitor, I knew he was right. That was my baby in there, and I instantly loved it with my entire being. This love actually increased when we were told we were having another girl. Thank you Jesus! After Sadie was born it didn't take long for me to know that if I loved these two, surely I could love another.
Steve was perfectly happy with two we had originally planned for, but was willing to sacrifice further if I felt sure I could handle it. There was no doubt in my mind that I would be insane within the first year of having three kids. But I knew we needed to have one more. Needed? Yes, needed. As odd as it may sound I had a gut feeling that there was someone else waiting to join our family. God was obviously prompting me toward another child, and I agreed as long as He would give us another girl. And on June 27 of last year, she arrived. And again, the fountain of love overflowed for my precious Sydney Joy.
It was at that birth that my ability to have more children was severed. Do I have regrets about that decision? Nope. Not a one. I have everything I have ever wanted, plus some I didn't even know I wanted until I had it.
This last Thanksgiving, sitting down at the table I prepared for our family, I felt complete. Our family was complete. We were all there, we were starting our own holiday traditions, and we were happy. All of us.
"Why do we have three kids?" Because three is a perfect number for us.
"Aren't you loosing my mind with all of them at home?" Absolutely. But someday they will all be gone from home, and I will long for the days of so much family time you want to scream.
"Don't you want to keep trying for a boy?" No way. Girls rule, and boys drool! (no offense to those with boys, or those who are boys) And speaking for my husband, he has a son, Kenny, and is perfectly happy with him to carry on the family name.
"How could you have your "tubes tied" so young?" I'm 30 now. Not so young in the world of child-bearing.
"What if you want to have more kids later on?" I'm confident in saying that I won't want more later. But if I get nostalgic for the spit up, poopy diapers, sticky hands, and seemingly endless crying of a baby, and perhaps mention the idea of wanting more, someone shoot me, will you?
"Don't you want to keep trying for a boy?"
"How could you have your "tubes tied" so young? What if you want more kids later on?"
All good questions, and all asked of me within the last few weeks by different friends of mine. Spring is in the air, must be time to start talking about procreating again...
Realizing that others may have similar or the same questions, I will share the process through which Steve and I have come to our family planning decisions.
Step one, we got married, then had kids. Sounds obvious to some, sounds silly to others, but it was a deliberate decision we made to wait for marriage before "making babies", if you know what I mean.
We knew we wanted kids, at least two. I wanted our first to be a boy. The older, protective brother. But then a girl would be nice. One of each, that was our plan.
Our first child came a little bit sooner than we had planned. Oh, who am I kidding. She came A LOT sooner than we had planned. Yes, SHE. Now would be a good time to throw the "plan" out of the window. But as believers in God's perfect will, and after a few frantic, tear filled phone calls to reassuring family and friends, we decided that this was nothing less than a blessing from the Lord.
After Sarah Jane arrived I scrapped the plan of having two kids and vowed never to share my love with another child ever again. Surely, any sibling would be short changed, as I couldn't imagine loving someone else as much as I loved her. And thank the Lord I didn't have a boy. This little girl was so perfect, obviously better than any boy could ever be. This stuck with me for about two years. During this time, my brother David was in High School and our relationship was greatly improving from what it had been when we lived under the same roof. We talked regularly, laughed a lot and shared more of our lives than we did when we saw each other everyday. I realized how much better my life was because of him, and decided that Sarah Jane, deserving of all that was good, should have that opportunity too. So it was decided. She would have a sibling. But what if I really didn't love the next baby like I loved Sarah Jane? And what if I had a boy!?
On a trip home to Michigan, I shared my thoughts with my dad. Shockingly, he said that he felt the same way when I was born, and had the same reservations when he learned of David's conception. He said that it didn't take long for him to know that every anxiety, every worry, was for naught. As he held his precious baby boy, he realized that he had the capacity to love more than one person unconditionally, and he assured me that I would find the same miracle in my heart when the time came. I took his advice and Steve and I planned for the next child. Although some anxiety over the love issue lingered through the pregnancy, I held on to my dad's words of encouragement. The day of the ultrasound came, and as I laid on the exam table watching the human being inside of me move on the TV monitor, I knew he was right. That was my baby in there, and I instantly loved it with my entire being. This love actually increased when we were told we were having another girl. Thank you Jesus! After Sadie was born it didn't take long for me to know that if I loved these two, surely I could love another.
Steve was perfectly happy with two we had originally planned for, but was willing to sacrifice further if I felt sure I could handle it. There was no doubt in my mind that I would be insane within the first year of having three kids. But I knew we needed to have one more. Needed? Yes, needed. As odd as it may sound I had a gut feeling that there was someone else waiting to join our family. God was obviously prompting me toward another child, and I agreed as long as He would give us another girl. And on June 27 of last year, she arrived. And again, the fountain of love overflowed for my precious Sydney Joy.
It was at that birth that my ability to have more children was severed. Do I have regrets about that decision? Nope. Not a one. I have everything I have ever wanted, plus some I didn't even know I wanted until I had it.
This last Thanksgiving, sitting down at the table I prepared for our family, I felt complete. Our family was complete. We were all there, we were starting our own holiday traditions, and we were happy. All of us.
"Why do we have three kids?" Because three is a perfect number for us.
"Aren't you loosing my mind with all of them at home?" Absolutely. But someday they will all be gone from home, and I will long for the days of so much family time you want to scream.
"Don't you want to keep trying for a boy?" No way. Girls rule, and boys drool! (no offense to those with boys, or those who are boys) And speaking for my husband, he has a son, Kenny, and is perfectly happy with him to carry on the family name.
"How could you have your "tubes tied" so young?" I'm 30 now. Not so young in the world of child-bearing.
"What if you want to have more kids later on?" I'm confident in saying that I won't want more later. But if I get nostalgic for the spit up, poopy diapers, sticky hands, and seemingly endless crying of a baby, and perhaps mention the idea of wanting more, someone shoot me, will you?
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